Friend... under construction

It's late and I should be sleeping, but I have something on my mind.

I have realized that ever since the death of my dad I have been stubborn. I know that I have definitely gone through some major changes in my life because of this, but the way it affects me today bothers me. My attitude toward my family has not been the best I will admit. I was "daddy''s little girl" and now at times I do feel like a third wheel. However, I have realized that I, myself, have made me become that way. I haven't been as involved with my family as I should be or as helpful. I don't always agree with situations, but sometimes I need to look from their point of view. I want to be a better daughter and sister.

From realizing that I have not been the best family member I have also realized I am not that great of a friend at times:

I am not that involved: I often blame this on being busy and needing to study, when in actuality I am just really tired and need rest or want to stay at home. I am a HUGE homebody. I want to become a friend who makes efforts to become more invested in friendships.

I don't open up: But when I do I vent so much that I scare people away. I need to find a balance. Friends are people you can trust and who've got your back.

I am judgmental: Because I had to mature a lot faster than most people my age because of my dad I tend to be quick to judge. I assume I know what they are thinking, whether they are being fake or not, or whether they will be truthful and honest with me. I am scared to trust others at times. I want to become a friend who listens and cares. Only God is the one who can judge others, my job is to love.

I know I cannot just change this overnight. But with God's help I can become a more loving friend. One who intentionally invests in others. One who is not quick to judge. I really need to work on this loving attitude not only in my friendships, but also within my family relationships. I need to learn to be submissive at times. I like to think "In 10 years will this argument even matter?" My dad is gone. This is a fact. What I carry away from his life and how he lived it is the part of him that will continue to live on within me.

Christmas Break!

Christmas break is finally here! It is so weird going from being very busy for an entire semester to not having anything to do. I have kept myself occupied by working both my jobs and doing some Christmas shopping. I am almost done... I am a procrastinator when it comes to this. Every year I tell myself I will start in October and buy things as I see them, but of course this never happens.

Let it snow, let it snow, SERIOUSLY, let it snow! Where is the snow? This year I actually was ready for snow and I anxiously look out my window expecting it to be there in the morning. However, it is still SO nice out- which I'm not complaining about. I just love having a white Christmas, but this year seems like it is more of a brown, warmer Christmas.

I am looking forward to next semester. I only have class around the noon hour so hopefully I will get a lot of hours at my jobs. It is finally my last semester of undergrad! Fingers crossed I will be in grad school in the fall! It is hard seeing my friends become college graduates and obtaining jobs. However, once I finish all of my education I will love what I do. I am so excited to become a speech-language pathologist. All of this schooling is teaching me patience and is helping me to become an outstanding professional. It is definitely difficult at times, but in the end it is going to be completely worth it!

GRAD SCHOOL= DONE!

I FINALLY sent all my grad school forms in the mail yesterday! It feels so good to be done! Now...I have to play the waiting game. I will not know if I got accepted or not until March. That seems like forever away. I applied to UNI, Kansas State, University of Wisconsin, and Central Missouri. All of these school have very high quality programs in the field of speech-language pathology. Any of them I would be very pleased to be accepted into.

Finals.... the dreaded end of the semester finals are here. This week I have three test which is actually better than previous semesters I have had. My first test is on Tuesday at 5:00 so I have a "free" day tomorrow to study. My tests are in Augmentative and Alternative Communications, EdPsych, and Neuroscience. Neuro will be far the toughest one to study for, but I am up for the challenge. I have stocked up on Mountain Dew and coffee for the week. Caffeine makes the world so much better :)